I felt myself pushing away the writing today. Luckily I caught myself in time. So that feels like one struggle overcome. Next struggle: what should I write about?
Write what you think about.
So many thoughts popping in and out of your head and you never feel like any of them is worth writing about. And if it is, maybe the thing holding you back from expressing it is that the topic is too special or too vulnerable and what will it reveal about your true nature. And if there’s one thing consistent about the internet is that it will last forever and it never forgets.
And one day when you least expect it, The internet will bring out your flaws and imperfections into the limelight and your faults to be picked and prodded on thoroughly by faceless people who hide their own vulnerabilities but prey on others. And all your insecurities and deepest fears will come true. All the skeletons out in the open… Naked and brittle with no defences.
There is a voice in your head that goes “Maybe you shouldn’t put yourself out there or don’t put everything. Hide your flaws and show what you want them to see”
But wouldn’t that be like lying. Lying by omission is still a lie. You would create an incomplete image and it will be a fragile one that will be balanced carefully like tightrope walker. Is that what you want?
There is an argument to be made I suppose that you don’t have to show everything and what you show will be enough. Because showing everything could turn into living your life like an open wound. Where is the balance? Maybe write only about work. But that’s boring.
But then it does depend on the individual. So what you feel is enough should be enough while you make sure that you aren’t deluding yourself and don’t believe in your own tales. (Cuz self delusion is real).
This post became more deep rambling than I expected it would be. I thought it was headed in the lost direction.
Song of the moment: Caught in the Middle by Paramore.
Quote that popped up in my mail today and became food for thought:
“No person would give up even an inch of their estate, and the slightest dispute with a neighbor can mean hell to pay; yet we easily let others encroach on our lives—worse, we often pave the way for those who will take it over. No person hands out their money to passersby, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We’re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.”
— Seneca the Younger
P.S. I seem to be forming a habit of forgetting my postscripts
But writing them in the beginning won’t make it Post – script. And i remember thinking it didn’t make sense in the context of the blog post. Problem to be solved another time.